That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
