So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
