tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your cock deserves a montage
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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