# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jerry, you need to find god
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
