look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
