I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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