i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
