Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
