One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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