I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
