The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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