Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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