I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
