yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
