I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
