doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
