it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
