you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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