Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
