i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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