Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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