Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
