i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
