Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
