I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
