i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
