How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
