After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the day after is always just damage control
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
