I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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