I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
