lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
