we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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