how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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