i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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