btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We left the knife in your bed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
