your parents love me but you hate me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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