My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
