I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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