You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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