I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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