How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
