how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
