i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
