My friends, they love my intelligence
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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