I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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