During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
