So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
