I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
