Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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