why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
