Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
