I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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