Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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