The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
