I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
