You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
