Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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