she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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