if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
